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Friendships and fitting in are everything to teenagers, so you could argue that understanding the dynamics and supporting our kids through the turmoil of the teen years is one of the best things we parents can do.

Former Headteacher of 18 years, Andrew Hampton FRSA is no stranger to the issue, having raised two girls as well as dealing with fall-out in school when friendships go wrong.

Having set up the organisation, Girls On Board, which aims to educate teachers about the issues girls face, he - like me is keenly aware that you can't tackle girl issues without also paying attention to what's happening with boys.

He has now turned his attention to Working With Boys and tackling the issue of rape culture in schools; what stage it sets in, why it develops and how we parents can provide a decent working model for our kids to follow.

Andrew Hampton FRSA
ahampton@girlsonboard.co.uk
https://www.girlsonboard.co.uk
https://andrewhampton.net

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I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

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If we genuinely think about how many of us are emotionally mature before we become parents the number is probably pretty low. The act of caring for someone else, and having to manage our own feelings, can be incredibly challenging, particularly when we were raised by parents who were immature themselves.

Being able to spot the difference between being emotionally immature, and the normal pressures of parenting, can be really helpful. We all have outbursts at times; we're human. The most important test is how we deal with getting it wrong by apologising and taking accountability. The mutual empathy this creates is at the root of building strong relationships.

Definition of emotional maturity on Healthline:

An emotionally mature person manages their emotions well even in difficult situations, takes accountability, is okay with being vulnerable, and shows empathy to others.

THE BOOK REFERENCED THROUGHOUT:
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay Gibson

TYPES:

1: The emotional parent. Ruled by their feelings, often swinging wildly between being over-involved and completely withdrawing from their children's lives.

2: The Driven parent. This personality type is obsessively goal-oriented and perpetually busy. They are on a constant quest for perfection, which includes even their children.

3: The Passive parent. They’re more laissez-faire and often willingly take a back seat to a more dominant partner. This can sometimes lead to physical and emotional abuse both for them and their children.

4: The Rejecting parent. They don’t enjoy any level of emotional intimacy. Their interactions with other family members usually consist of getting angry, commanding others, or completely isolating themselves.

THE TECHNIQUE

1: Become curious and observe rather than react. Our episode on this: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/over-reactions-how-to-not-overreact/

2: Think like a scientist. Mentally take note of how your parent or the adult is responding to you. Are they actually listening to you or are they just trying to appease you? Do you recognize any of the emotionally immature behaviors we talked about earlier?

Once you’ve done this you can begin to employ what Gibson calls the three-step Maturity Awareness Approach. The first step is to express yourself and let go.

1: Express yourself and let go. Tell your parent or the person what you want to say, but don't worry about controlling the outcome. It doesn't matter how they react to you.

2: Set a goal of what you want to achieve from the conversation. For example, you might say, I want to tell my mother how I

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

What we see on TikTok often starts on message boards in fringe groups then spills over into the mainstream. This is true of the Looksmaxxing social media trend that's been gaining more and more currency among teen boys.

The goal of looksmaxxing is to meet a set of criteria for physical attractiveness, with a focus on the eyes, jawline, and physique and the ultimate currency is SMV, or Sexual Market Value.

There are some really positive elements to the trend, but its originated in incel groups so there can be a dark underbelly that it's worth us parents knowing about, as Mike Nicholson https://www.progressivemasculinity.co.uk/is well aware.

SOME KEY INFLUENCERS:
Kareem Shami - syrianpsycho
Dillon Latham

NETFLIX DOCUMENTARY:
Open Wide

PODCAST:
LOOKSMAXXING for the modern male (attitude, skin & hair routine, clothes, mewing, jawsize)

APPS MENTIONED:
UMAX
LOOSKMAX AI

MEWING:

The Mews are a father and son team of orthodontists from the UK who began to market their techniques on YouTube.

The basic principles of mewing include:

1. Tongue Position: Keeping the tongue flat against the roof of the mouth, rather than letting it rest on the bottom of the mouth.
2. Posture: Maintaining good overall posture, which is thought to support proper oral and facial alignment.
3. Breathing: Encouraging nasal breathing rather than mouth breathing, which can affect facial structure over time.

When to seek help: from medical news today
Your son is...

• spending prolonged periods of time or repeatedly checking appearance in the mirror
• feelings of dissatisfaction or distress toward aspects of appearance that may interfere with everyday life
• spending prolonged periods of time worrying about or thinking negative thoughts about appearance
• persistent feelings of hopelessness, guilt, worthlessness, anxiety, sadness, or shame
• becoming irritable more easily
• feeling tired or low in energy
• difficulty getting to sleep, staying asleep, or sleeping too much
• feeling restless and having difficulty concentrating
• having thoughts about death or suicide

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/feb/15/from-bone-smashing-to-chin-extensions-how-looksmaxxing-is-reshaping-young-mens-faces

https://fortune.com/2024/07/01/looksmaxxing-apps-rate-teen-boys-faces-mental-health/

https:

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk