The Leopard in My House cover art

The Leopard in My House

One man’s adventures in cancerland

Preview

Try for £0.00
Pick 1 audiobook a month from our unmatched collection - including bestsellers and new releases.
Listen all you want to thousands of included audiobooks, Originals, celeb exclusives, and podcasts.
Access exclusive sales and deals.
£7.99/month after 30 days. Renews automatically. See here for eligibility.

The Leopard in My House

By: Mark Steel
Narrated by: Mark Steel
Try for £0.00

£7.99/month after 30 days. Renews automatically. See here for eligibility.

Buy Now for £12.99

Buy Now for £12.99

Confirm Purchase
Pay using card ending in
By completing your purchase, you agree to Audible's Conditions of Use and authorise Audible to charge your designated card or any other card on file. Please see our Privacy Notice, Cookies Notice and Interest-based Ads Notice.
Cancel

About this listen

Brought to you by Penguin.

‘I feel like there’s a leopard in my house, locked in a room. I’ve contacted the leopard authorities and they assure me they are used to dealing with leopards like this, and they have a plan for removing the leopard. It will take a while, though, and once in a while I can hear it growl.

And that’s all very reassuring. Even so, several times a day I think to myself: “Hang on, there’s a leopard in my house.”'

One morning, while shaving, the comedian Mark Steel noticed that one side of his neck seemed larger than the other. After a whistlestop tour of assorted medical professionals, a consultant delivered the ominous words that would define the next months of his life: ‘I’m afraid it’s not good news, Mr Steel’.
And so began a journey into the heart of the NHS, as he embarked on the long and uncertain road to cancer recovery via a range of mildly torturous and entirely miraculous treatments. What, if anything, might he learn about himself – and our capacity for coping with life when times get tough – as he becomes part of a club that one in two British people will ultimately join?
A frank and funny diary of one man’s rather trying year, this is an unforgettable and uplifting story of getting ill, getting on with it, and getting better.

©2025 Mark Steel (P)2025 Penguin Audio
Cancer Medical Physical Illness & Disease Professionals & Academics Funny Feel-Good

Listeners also enjoyed...

One Sinha Lifetime cover art
The Mark Steel Solution cover art
Get In cover art
Not That I'm Bitter cover art
There and Back cover art
The Mark Steel Lectures cover art
A Slice of Fried Gold cover art
Clare in the Community: The Complete Series 1-6 cover art
Jokes, Jokes, Jokes cover art
What Is Your Problem? cover art
Why Can't I Just Enjoy Things? cover art
Jeremy Hardy Speaks to the Nation: The Complete Series 1-10 cover art
Scatter Brain cover art
Space cover art
Paddy Mayne cover art
Strangeland cover art

Critic reviews

Just like you might bet he would, Mark Steel has given us a deep, personal, clever, witty, painful and hilarious book. His eye lingers on details of the past, present and a possible future, taking us all the way to an answer for 'what's the bloody point anyway?' He shows (not tells) that the answer might be to live and feel life the way he does. Thanks Mark Steel. (Michael Rosen, author of 'Getting Better')
Funny, moving, wise and then very funny again. It’s also a very spiritual and philosophical book for a foul-mouthed atheist from Swanley. Final score; Cancer: 1, Mark Steel: 5. (John O'Farrell, author of 'Family Politics')

What listeners say about The Leopard in My House

Average customer ratings
Overall
  • 5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    9
  • 4 Stars
    0
  • 3 Stars
    0
  • 2 Stars
    0
  • 1 Stars
    0
Performance
  • 5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    8
  • 4 Stars
    1
  • 3 Stars
    0
  • 2 Stars
    0
  • 1 Stars
    0
Story
  • 5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    9
  • 4 Stars
    0
  • 3 Stars
    0
  • 2 Stars
    0
  • 1 Stars
    0

Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.

Sort by:
Filter by:
  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Every cancer patient and EVERY cancer Doctor/Nurse/Receptionist should get a copy on the NHS

How the hell is a book about having Cancer SO, SOOOO, funny? Listened all the way home from Bristol to Norwich and I have never EVER laughed AND cried so much in a single day! What an incredible book!! 11 out of 10 minimum!

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Moving, honest and endearingly funny

A moving autobiographical account of Mark Steel’s experience of cancer.
I already admired this man for his wit and his take on politics and the absurdities of life, and this book served to emphasise all his best qualities.
Well written and, if you go for the audible version as I did, very well read by the author himself.
I am so glad he is doing well - and I am so pleased that he and Ms Khorsandi found each other.

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Mark Steel's inimitable style

informative and funny on a subject that is only too often not spoken about - cancer and the side effects of treatment.

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Mark’s humour

I’m not great at articulately my reasons for loving something but I can’t just say nothing. Bonus to hear Mark reading when he may not have been able to, had his voice gone. If you love Mark’s work and podcast (and his and Shappi’s romance) and followed his cancer updates, the book will not disappoint. I had a cry and laughed out loud in places and overall love this man even more. Thank you Mark!

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Valuable Insight - Told Well

I have been diagnosed with almost the same cancer as Mark, and I am shortly to begin my chemotherapy and radiotherapy courses. To know what is ahead and to have some tools that could help me get through it was valuable. The writing is crisp, honest and humorous. He is open and vulnerable. I wish Mark all the best. May the Leopard never return.

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!